The unorthodox method of catching an elusive Captain
by Ryder Bellamiren
Summary: Thor's never been subtle. He propositions Cap; hilarity and chaos ensue. Contains ThunderShield and established FrostIron. Spawned by the comic series by jack-o-lantern12 on Deviantart.


**A/N:** So, my Muses have decided to creep back to me slowly but surely. Thank jack-o-lantern12 for this one too! Well... Her and my Cap Muse, who decided that he was done hiding. Now, how do I coax the rest of them out from their hiding places?

**DISCLAIMER:** Writers are burdened with glorious purpose to write things that others will read_**. I NO OWNY THE AVENGERS, OKAY?! **_I wish I did. No, really. That is totally going to be my wish on my next birthday...

**WARNING:** Slightly cracky because I've never written a comedy fic for the sake of comedy and it might not come out right. _**CONTAINS THUNDRSHIELD AND FROSTIRON.**_ If you don't like it, go do a Hunger Games and don't come back... Like ever. Flames will be laughed at and fed to my Loki Muse.

Ryder

* * *

_**TUMOCAEC**_

It all started with Thor's direct request and his distinct lack of tact (at least in this area).

"Captain! How would you like the honor of laying with a god?" Thor had clapped the startled man on the back. Steve frowned as he processed what exactly Thor had boomed at him.

"L-Laying?!" Steve finally caught what it was Thor was trying to say to him. "Uhhh, no thank you."

* * *

He didn't mean to eavesdrop, really. He'd wanted to ask Loki if Thor was always so direct with people... people he wanted to sleep with. Steve shook his head at his own tentative thoughts as Thor squished Loki in a back-cracking hug. He winced in sympathy.

"Brother, help me! The Captain has rejected me! Oh, Loki, what shall I do?"

Steve couldn't help the grin on his face as Loki hissed, "Unhand me first!" Thor did as asked and the other Asgardian continued as he dusted himself off, "Now, as I have told you before, you're too rough, Thor. You cannot simply demand intercourse, you must be romantic. Midgardians are sensitive Thor; be gentle and he will accept you."

Thor made a sound of absolute joy and hugged the other Asgardian to him with a thump. Loki made an 'oof' noise that the thunder god ignored. Steve scrambled out of the way and into the kitchen, humming a snippet of song he'd remembered from the radio that morning.

* * *

"Captain, I didn't know you could cook..."

Steve forgot that Thor could be quiet if he wanted to be and nearly dropped the bowl. "Oh, uh... It's just a hobby. I don't have much else to do between missions, so I do this." He flashed the other male a smile to let him know all was well. Steve continued stirring absently as Thor watched.

"Would you mind if I taste it?" The curiosity in his tone made Steve offer the spoon.

"Sure, but it's only batter right now."

Thor licked the spoon... just not how he'd expected him to do. The thunder god made soft moans as he licked the spoon completely clean. "Hmm, mmmm." Steve dropped the bowl onto the counter, completely mortified that such a simple thing could be so shocking. "It's sweet. What are you making?"

"Oh my God..." Steve just wanted the ground to swallow him whole from his embarrassment. Tony would mock him for ages about his blush alone! "Sugar cookies with strawberry filling in them. Umm, don't offer any to Pepper."

"Why?" Innocent of allergies, Thor had no idea what would happen if he had done exactly that.

"She... can't eat strawberries. She gets really sick if she goes near them."

"Ah, I see."

* * *

Steve smiled at the bouquet of thickly stemmed roses laying on the table where he normally ate breakfast. There was a fancy note and a covered dish along with it and he flicked open the note first. The calligraphy was beautiful and read simply.

_My apologies shield brother. Should you not wish for my affections, please relay your message through JARVIS._

_Thor Odinsson_

He blinked and then his mind caught up with what had most likely happened.

"JARVIS, could you bring up footage of Miss Potts and Thor from yesterday, please?"

"Of course sir. To your tablet or in the air?" Steve knew that Tony often preferred the air so that he could manipulate certain projects.

"Tablet please."

"Thank you for your manners, though they are not necessary, sir."

"I know, but my Mam raised a gentleman."

"Very well, sir." He watched the video with minimum volume, not wanting the others to hear it.

* * *

He watched as Thor ate the cookies he'd made, polishing off the last one as Pepper had entered the room.

"Thor, have you seen Tony?"

"No Milady Potts." The response was not with his usual booming and it made both of them (Pepper in the video and Steve in real time) frown. Thor usually was happy with all of his conversations.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I have made a mess of things."

"Alright. With who?" Steve could see her organized mind sort out problems and solve each dilemma with ease.

"I may have propositioned the Captain in a manner most unkind. Loki said that I must be gentler with Midgardians but he has not stated how. I spoke with the Captain again and do not think he will accept my advances for a third time." Pepper's jaw dropped open before snapping shut with a click of her teeth.

"... Have you read his file?" she spoke with a quiver in her voice.

"Nay." Her lips thinned at that and Thor looked at her with an honest gaze.

"You probably should have JARVIS read it to you in a private room. The Captain's been through a lot. I don't even know whether or not he likes... men. I think you should at least apologize and send him something he likes." Which explained the flowers and probably some sketching materials or food under the platter. After Thor left, Pepper broke out into peals of laughter, gasping for breath as Tony appeared on screen.

"What has you in a good mood, Pep?"

* * *

The video shut off after that and Steve peered under the covered dish smiling as he saw waffles and strawberries. He ate them slowly, pondering what he'd heard in his mind. Perhaps Loki had the answer; he'd have JARVIS check to see if they were 'busy' the way they'd been the last time he'd needed Tony for something.

"JARVIS?" he asked somewhat warily.

"The answer to your unspoken question is no, sir."

"Is Loki-"

"Right here, Captain. Tony booted me out. There is something you wished to ask?"

"Umm, is Thor always... that direct?" Loki laughed, the lines around his eyes crinkling with well-use.

"Unfortunately for you? Yes. Now I have a question for you; will you reject my brother again or bed him?"

"I-What? I don't even know-"

"It is a yes or no question, Rogers." Loki interrupted smoothly.

"I don't even know if I like men." he hissed back, "Let alone gods who proposition me like a common street woman!" Loki blinked at that and then smiled. "What is that for?" Hey, Steve still didn't trust the guy entirely.

"How will you know if you've never tried?"

"I haven't even kissed a dame properly let alone... You're volunteering?" he couldn't believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

"I've got a better idea." Steve _really_ didn't like the smirk shot his way.

* * *

The club was loud & full of both men and women. He was groped quite often as he shouldered his way to the bar with Loki tagging in his wake.

"I don't like this idea, Loki..."

"How else are you supposed to figure it out?" He opens his mouth to retort when he was tapped on the shoulder by another man.

"Experimenting?"

"... Yes?" Steve replied tentatively, allowing the other to take his hand and drag him out onto the floor. They danced for a while before he was yanked down by the smaller male into a kiss. His eyes widened at the difference before shutting and tasting every inch carefully. (It was nothing like his first kiss stolen by who he later learned was the base... Well, she slept in a lot of beds that didn't belong to her.) He smiled down at the dazed guy and hummed softly to himself. "It's different."

"Bad or good pretty boy?"

"I need another to compare it with." he leaned down and spoke clearly. "A girl, maybe? Not that I don't like yours. It's just been a while."

"Hold on. Let's go find my friend; she's experimenting too."

After the kiss with the shy woman, he mentally compared them and found neither wanting.

"So?"

"Good. I liked them both the same."

"Ah. Thought you might be one of those so-far-in-that-you'll-never-come-out kind of guys." Steve flashed him a grin as he thanked him and made his way back to where Loki was fending off both sexes.

"He's taken." he laughed as Loki took his arm and glared at them. There was a collective sigh before his mischievous side kicked in. "But not by me."

* * *

He still hadn't given his answer to Thor, mulling it over before finally deciding to suck it up and asking the thunderer himself. Walking towards the gym he heard thuds as he sped up his steps. Thor was taking on part of Tony's mechanical army, each of the dummies dying horribly as the hammer mashed them to bits.

"Thor?"

"Captain." the answer he'd been expecting was not what he'd gotten. Maybe he had taken too long?

"I, uh, never gave you an answer." Stormy blue eyes gave him a brief once-over before hardening.

"Aye. Tis fine. We will work together in battle-" Steve smiled a little as he cupped a hand over Thor's mouth.

"I wasn't done Thor. JARVIS, deactivate the dummies please. I'd rather not get clobbered while trying to talk. Uhh... Tell me where everyone is first."

"Ms. Romanov is currently sparring with Mr. Barton and Tony as well as Bruce are in the labs. Loki is reading in his room. Anything else, sir?"

"No thank you. Will you not talk until we get to my room? It's the only one without surveillance." Thor nodded and Steve pulled his hand away, leading the now-confused thunderer directly to his room. "Okay, umm... Oh forget it. Do you like me?"

"I would not have asked otherwise, Captain."

"No, I mean as a person. I haven't ever had a relationship or even... sex. The serum will make me horny as hell if we start. I need to know that you like Steve, not just my body."

Thor sat heavily on the bed and placed Mjolnir on the ground, reverting to his band t-shirt and jeans he wore underneath. He pulled off his boots, wiggled his socked feet for a moment and patted the bed beside him. Steve sat and looked at him expectantly, not pressing as he knew Thor needed time to process.

"At first it was the fact that you are a shield brother. It is hard not to call you Captain in public when I am the only one who is himself whilst still in... costume. You are different, softer outside of your Captain persona. I do like you as a person. As Loki often points out, I think with just one head sometimes and I 'thought' with the wrong one. Perhaps we may start over?"

"Cuddling is nice."

"You will have to teach me how, I am afraid I do not understand."

Steve chuckled as he pushed Thor up & back on the bed and then wrapped the other man's arms around him. "That's quite alright with me."

* * *

They went out for coffee when the paparazzi showed up to harass Thor (Steve still doesn't understand the need to invade people's privacy for amusement) for holding hands with another man.

"Why are you holding his hand? We had it on good authority that you were dating a woman."

Thor openly laughed, genuinely amused at this invasive questioning. "Asgardians do not care for gender or race when searching for a partner."

"Huh?"

"As you Midgardians say, 'It is the personality I'm after, not the body.' Do you mind if I continue to indulge in breaking my fast?"

"What's his name?"

"Should he wish to tell you, I am sure he will let you know." Thor hummed as he ate, rubbing small circles on Steve's hand as he people-watched. The paparazzi dissipated after it became clear Thor was no longer interested. "Come, min elskede, show me your city."

"What did you call me?" Steve asked as they wandered the backstreets of Brooklyn, hand firmly ensconced in Thor's.

"My beloved."

**-PoV-**

Loki shook his head as he Scried his brother through a bowl of clear water on the table. Tony was watching and laughing at Thor's response.

"So... That advice you gave Thor had nothing to do with us?"

"It had everything to do with us, my genius. I just chose to omit certain parts of our first times together."

"Uh-huh. You're totally changing the subject."

"I am changing the subject. After all, we have our happily ever after." he murmured as he swished the image of a sickeningly sweet walk away from his vision and focused on his lover.

"Yeah, I suppose we do."

* * *

**Ending A/N:** ... And I somehow managed to muck up the lighthearted aspect. Ugh. Why? Why can't I write fluff the way I intended it to be?! *sighs* Oh well. Leave me a review; tell me whether or not you loved, hated or didn't give a crap!


End file.
